Today was a long day. It has been a long week. Next week will be even longer.
On the walk home, I decided to go to the grocery store and buy the carnival flavored popsicles. Because it was October-night-time-dark and June-afternoon-steamy and what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life. You know? But they didn't have any. So I bought draino and a frappucinno instead. And left my sanity lying on the conveyor belt.
Thankgoodness.
I accidentally pocket-dialed my brother 5 times on the way home. I found this hilarious. Hilarious, I tell you; hilarious. Oh, it felt so good to laugh. Especially a little too hard over something so small. "Oh dear," I warned her, "I'm losing it." And I did. I laughed at everything, things I can't even recall at this moment. Community pulled a ground hogs day and I (kind of) watched the same events on repeat and didn't realize until she pointed it out and, of course, found this hilarious. I hopped on facebook and somehow managed to accidentally sign into the chat function and then not be able to figure out how to sign back out. Hilarious.
It's a release, a way to shake things up, an exhale. It means I've been holding my breath for too long, buttoned up, and under pressure. Spending too many hours outside myself. It's a misalignment, an absence. A desire I keep an arm's length away.
I am so silly. Ridiculous and absurd.
Except lately.
Because there have been too many beginnings and something to prove and no one to notice.
I'd like to take a walk at midnight in the rain and laugh and cry and squeal and puddle jump and fall asleep under an old apple tree.
It's permission to shake things up a bit.
So I am.
Em.
ReplyDeleteThe other night, my roommates and I watched Bridesmaids. At one point, I was sobbing (I sobbed the whole way through-- I found it mostly depressing) but laughed at a joke. When I realized I was doing the two things at the same time, I laughed harder, then cried (FOR REAL cried) harder. It continued until I was too tired to move.
I love you, soulmate!
Oh, you nailed it. I just wish I had gotten it all out - I could have used a solid cry fest mixed in with the crazy laughter. Sometime in the near future, I'm predicting. Maybe I should rent Bridesmaids? Isn't it supposed to be a comedy? I'm thinking I might find it depressing too? Maybe? Always wishing we lived closer...
ReplyDeleteI love you too, soul sister!