September 28, 2010

When Today and I Are No Longer On Speaking Terms and It Is Only 2:30 PM

This morning the toilet downstairs didn't flush.  So I popped the top and used a kitchen over-sized serving fork to try to get the chain back on the lever-thing.  I got this brilliant kitchen-utensil-idea from Alivia, and I almost smiled, because I thought of how much I laughed at her broken toilet post and how much I could relate to it.  But I don't think I did actually smile. I should have.  I pulled the chain up, the toilet started to flush, I quickly went to grab the end of the chain before it slipped back into the toilet and somehow managed to knock the tube that fills the tank with water out of the tank.  Or something.  All I know, is that in a matter of nano-seconds water was spraying OUT OF THE TOILET all over THE ENTIRE BATHROOM.  We're talking bathroom mirror, bathroom floor, closet doors to the washing machine... all. over. the. bathroom.  The dog starts barking.  I actually look to her for help.  I should have laughed.  Instead I grabbed for the tube and tried to put it back into the tank.  Which I did manage to do successfully, but not before I also managed to point it in every-which-direction and soak my entire shoulder, neck, and face.  I think I am still in shock from it.  One does not easily get over the fact that she had toilet water dripping down the side of her face, even if it is from the tank and not the bowl.  Still gross.

It's raining here and I'm scared to take the dog out, because nearby areas have a tornado watch until 6pm (who knew that they could issue watches for 7 hour durations?), and even though we don't have a watch, I am still convinced that a tornado will come ripping through the yard while I am out there with the dog.  I can picture it, because I have reoccurring tornado dreams, and yes, I know that means you feel as though your life is out of control, and yes, I am working on it.  Allow this current rant to be exhibit #7,892,984.  I am working on it, I promise.  Anyway, I carry the dog in (because I am in an almost-panic and she isn't moving fast enough on her own, but in my arms she looks at me like I am crazy and just licks my face) and try to shake off earlier bad/surprising/upsetting news that really has no direct relation to my life other than hurting my feelings and rubbing salt in a wound (but still made me cry really hard and feel utterly defeated) with a cup of coffee and an email to a friend who hears a lot of my rants this summer.  I have decided that Today has won and I surrender myself to the couch for a Sex and the City dvd marathon and lots of coffee.   I have lost all strength to fight with Today any longer.

But then I think - I have friends (you guys included!) who make me smile even when I'm crying, who will listen to breathless rants via voice or email, and I'm spending a rainy afternoon with Sex and the City dvds and lots of coffee - I'll let Today THINK she won, but really, I'm the one who wins an awesome afternoon.  Booya.

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