Employment Opportunity

For Hire: Grocery Store Runner
Qualifications - Must be able to: find a parking space that doesn't have an unreturned shopping cart already occupying the space; remember to grab everything on the shopping list - or, you know, just remember the shopping list; push the squeaky-wheeled-mind-of-its-

own shopping cart through the obstacle course aisles, nearly colliding with no more than three persons per aisle; reach the last box of granola, sitting on the tip top shelf, a foot back from the front of the shelf without losing your balance and toppling over the small child grabbing for Lucky Charms on the bottom shelf; stand in line reading the tabloids headlines without making an over-expressive disgusted face; chit chat with the check-out person without addressing the thousands reasons why you look like you have not slept in weeks or why your purchased items are so random that it is possible you slept-walked through the store grabbing items within reach every third aisle; find the car in the parking lot; and arrange the groceries in the car so that they actually stay in the bag and don't end up scattered around the back seat.
Monthly bonus for anybody who can put the groceries away and figure out what to do with all those plastic bags week after week after week after week after week after week.